alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
