I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
