She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
