Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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