remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Where is the hickey?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
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i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
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Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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