at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
