there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
