if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
