guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We have started to decorate penises.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
