I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
