I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
