You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
