dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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