Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
