just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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