Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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