Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
