Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
