There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
