Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
