Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
