Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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