So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
