the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
