I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
