I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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