a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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