I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
