I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize
