So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
