you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
