i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
