When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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