Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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