I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?