awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
