I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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