his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize