I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
