haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
