I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
