____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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