Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
