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hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
