Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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