Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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