Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
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Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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