ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
we're so committed to being not committed
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
