i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
