dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
