Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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