Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize