We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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