I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
