just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
