OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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