tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
