Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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