I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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