He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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