what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
