I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
