Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
